Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
