If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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