you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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