It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?