Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
