My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
