Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
