i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
