you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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