My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
