There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
