Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
