Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
