Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
