It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
