you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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