I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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