Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Are my feet made of real feet?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
