Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Randomize
