Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
