it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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