The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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