drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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