I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
