I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
