Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
