so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
