Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
