this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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