bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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