i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
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Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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