We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
