either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
