things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.