Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom