if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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