I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.