Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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