You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
