My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives