Pappa wants mamma naked
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.