Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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