I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
