How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
