He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
