rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
