Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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