im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
