any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
