She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
