I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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