We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
