I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
