I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
