apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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