Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
