Can i not drive my cunt home
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
