I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
