i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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