Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
