i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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