I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
