i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We have started to decorate penises.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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