Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
