New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
