So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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