Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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