hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
