We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
