Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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