mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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