Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I understand Curling. That high.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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