i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
