there was a trapeze. enough said
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
