Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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