ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
