Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
