I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
