so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
